Freedom in Christ: Session
#9: Forgiving from the Heart
Focus Verse: Matthew
18:34-35 In anger his master turned him over
to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This
is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your
brother from your heart.
Objective:
To recognise what forgiveness is and what it is not, and to learn how to
forgive from the heart.
Focus Truth: In
order to experience our freedom in Christ, we need to relate to other people
in the same way that God relates to us - on the basis of complete forgiveness
and acceptance.
I. Intro
A. What
gives Satan the greatest Opportunity to
defeat Christians? Occult activity? Cults and sects? Sins
of the flesh?
B. If
you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven - if
there was anything to forgive - I have forgiven in the sight of Christ
for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For
we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor.
2:10-11)
C. We
will experience mental torment if we do not forgive from our hearts
D. Nothing
keeps you in bondage to the past more than an unwillingness to forgive.
Nothing gives Satan greater opportunity to stop a church growing than roots
of bitterness, the evidence of personal unforgiveness, and pride.
II. The
Need to Forgive
A. Intro
1. Think
of the worst thing anybody ever did to you.
2. Why
should you forgive that? Let's look at the reasons.
B. It
is Required by God (Mt. 6:9-15)
1. This,
then, how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give
us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven
our debtors.
2. When
you pray, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors",
you might not be asking for much.
3. Your
relationship with God is inextricably bound up with your relationship with
other people. You really can't have a righteous relationship with God
in isolation from your relationships with other people.
4. We
must learn to relate to others on the same basis that God relates to us.
5. Jesus
continues: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your
heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their
sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
6. We
need to be careful not to apply this wrongly. God relates to us in two
ways: as judge and as a Father. Because you are in Christ your sins are
forgiven. What is at stake, however, is your relationship with God as
Father. If there are people whom you have not forgiven, God won't let
you be comfortable until you do. Your daily victory is at stake.
C. It
is Essential for our Freedom
1. The
most definitive teaching on forgiveness is in Matthew 18:21-35: "Then
Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive
my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus
answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times".
2. Jesus
is not suggesting that you buy a pocket calculator and start ticking the occaisions off until you reach 78, then get a gun and blow
his brains out. He is saying that you just continue to forgive for your
own sake. God doesn't want His children to languish in bitterness and
be bound to the past.
D. The
Extent of Our Own Debt
1. "Therefore,
the kingdom of heaven is like a king
who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he
began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents {24 That
is, millions of dollars} was brought to him. 25 Since he
was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children
and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. (Mt. 18:23 - 25).
2. We
need to understand first of all the extent of our own debt to God. There
is a story in Luke (7:36ff) where a Pharisee by the name of Simon threw a
party and invited a lot of people, including Jesus. A woman who had lived
a sinful life slipped in uninvited. She began to wash Jesus' feet with her
tears, wipe them with her hair, anoint his feet with oil and kiss them repeatedly.
This irritated Simon, who said, "Well, if he were a prophet he would
know what sort of woman she is" Jesus said, "Simon,
I have something to say to you. Suppose someone had been forgiven a debt
of £50 and someone else £500, which one would love more? He said, "Well,
I suppose the one who had forgiven £500." Jesus said, "That's
right. You see this woman. When I came to this house you didn't wash my
feet; she's done itwith her tears. You didn't
greet me with a kiss. She hasn't stopped kissing my feet since I came.
You didn’t anoint my feet with oil, but she has."
3. Those
who have been forgiven much, love much. Those
who have been forgiven a little love little.
4. We
need to understand that our best is like filthy rags before God (Isaiah 64:6).
Without Christ, we all stand condemned. We have all been forgiven much -
and the knowledge of that affects our capacity to love others.
a) Repayment is Impossible
(1) Ten thousand talents was a huge sum, way beyond
a lifetime's earnings - a seven-figure sum in today's terms. What Jesus
is trying to show by using such a large amount is that repayment is not
an option. So if this issue is to be resolved, another way has to be found.
(2) Do you know that your debt to God was far too large
for you to repay?
b) Mercy is Required
(1) "The servant fell on his knees before him.
'Be patient with me, ' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything."
(2) Justice is rightness or fairness. To administer
justice is to give people what they deserve. God is just and cannot be
unjust or unrighteous. If He gave us what we deserved, we would all go
to hell.
(3) But God is merciful and He found a way to forgive
and accept us. The punishment we deserved fell on Christ.
(4) Mercy is not giving people what they deserve.
We are told to be merciful to others as God has been merciful to us (Luke 6:36). In other words, we are not to give people what
they deserve.
(5) But we are to go further in our relationships,
to love one another and give people what they don't deserve. That's what
grace is: giving people what they don't deserve.
(6) It all begins with the relationship that God has
established with us: freely you have received, freely give (Matthew 10:8).
We are to relate to people in exactly the same way that God relates to
us.
(7) Read what the servant in the parable did (verse
28):
(a) "The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled
the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one
of his fellow-servants who owed him a hundred denarii.
(8) A denarius is a day's
wages - so this is three months' wages, not a trivial debt, though much
less than the one he himself had been let off.
E. So
That No Advantage Can Be Taken of You (2 Cor. 2:10-11
1. He
grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. 29 "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged
him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' 30 "But
he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until
he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had
happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything
that had happened. 32 "Then the master called the servant
in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled
all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn't
you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34 In
anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he
should pay back all he owed. 35 "This is how my heavenly
Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (Matt
18:28-35)
2. "Torture" refers
to spiritual torment in the New Testament. It is the same word the demon
used in Mark 5:7 when it said to Jesus, "Swear to God that you won't
torture me!".
3. Jesus
finished by saying, "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each
of you unless you forgive your brother from the heart.
4. Jesus
warns that, if you do not forgive from your heart, you will suffer some
kind of spiritual torment. In other words, you are opening a door to the
enemy's influence in your life.
F. What
Does It Mean To Forgive From The Heart?
1. It
certainly doesn't mean being very "British" and saying a quick "I
forgive so and so". If we are truly going to forgive, we have
to face the pain and the hate that we feel.
2. We
recommend a formula: "Lord, I choose to forgive (name the person)
__________________ for (specifically what they did or failed to do) __________________
which made me feel (verbally telll the
Lord every hurt and pain which He brings to your mind) _______________________________________________
We encourage people to stay with it until every remembered hurt has been
put on the table. We have to let God lead us to the emotional core where
the healing is going to take place.
G. Forgiveness Must Be Extended To Others (Eph. 4:31-32).
However, The Crisis Is Only Between God and
Us
1. Jesus
told us (Matthew 5:23,24)
that if we go to church and remember that somebody has something against
us, we should leave our offering and go to that person and be reconciled.
We do this by confessing that we are wrong, asking for their forgiveness
and making retribution if necessary. In other words, if you have offended
someone else, go to that person.
2. It
is just the opposite if someone has offended you. Don't go to the person,
go to God. Your need to forgive others is first and foremost an issue
between yourself and God. Afterwards you may or may not be reconciled
to the other person but that doesn't depend fully on you. Your freedom
does not depend upon others whom you have no right or ability to control.
H. We
Forgive to Stop the Pain
1. It
is for your sake that you forgive. "But you don't know how much that
hurt me." Don't you see that they are still hurting you? How do
you stop the pain? By forgiving .
2. Imagine
a woman whose husband has left her for someone else. That is painful -
and we don't want to trivialise it in any way. She might say, "I'm
not ready to forgive him." She's effectively saying, "By staying
angry, I am getting my own back on him." Her ex is probably travelling
round the world, going to parties, having a good time. The fact that she
is sitting there resentful, bitter and angry does hurt someone - but not
him - her!
3. It's
like walking past a fisherman and getting snagged by a fish hook in your
cheek. It wasn't your fault but you are connected to that other person
and it hurts. How do you get rid of the pain? By leaving the hook in
place? No. By taking it out!
4. We
think that by forgiving someone we let them off the hook - but by not forgiving
them we stay hooked to the pain and the past. We're the ones with the
hook in us!
III. What is Forgiveness
A. Not
Forgetting
1. Forgiveness
is not forgetting. You say, "Well, God forgets". The Bible
does say, "I will remember their sins no more" (Jeremiah 31:34),
but the world used doesn't mean that He forgets. God is all-knowing -
He couldn't forget even if He wanted to . When
God says " I will remember their sin no
more", what He is saying is I will put it away from me as far as the
east is from the west. I will not take the past and use it against you.
2. If
a husband said to a wife, "Well, two years ago you did this",
do you know what he has actually said? "I haven't forgiven you.
I am still taking the past and using it against you". So part of
that commitment to forgive is to say, "I am going to let that go.
I am not going to bring up the past and use it against you ever again."
3. You
can't rid of a hurt simply by trying to forget it.
B. Not
Tolerating Sin
1. Forgiveness
does not mean that we tolerate sin. Does God forgive? He does. Does
He tolerate sin. No, He can't.
2. This
is most difficult when someone is in a situation where they are being sinned
against continually, for example a wife who is being physically abused
by her husband. In the past, some churches advised abused children and
wives to "go home and be submissive". What if that man beat
up another woman in the church - would they tolerate that? Was it alright
to beat up his own wife? It's not only wrong
it is doubly wrong because she is not just getting beaten up, she is getting
beaten up by the one who is really there by God's instruction to provide
for her and protect her.
3. The
Bible certainly tells wives to be submissive, but that's not all it says.
1Peter 2:13-18 and Romans 13:1-7 instruct us to submit to
the governing authorities whom God has placed in authority over us. They
have put laws in place to protect that wife. It is perfectly possible
to forgive someone yet still decide to turn them over to the authorities to let the law take its course. The fact is
that that kind of abuse tends to run in a cycle that simply goes on and
on until someone puts a stop to it.
4. You
have every right to put a stop to sin by lahying down
biblical guidelines, or by removing yourself from a particular situation.
That is not at all inconsistent with forgiveness.
5. One
woman knew she had to forgive her mother but said, "I am going to
go over toher house next Sunday and even though I might forgive
her today, she will only criticise me and put me down again." She
needs to put a stop to it. " But isn't
she supposed to honour her mother" someone may ask. But how is allowing
her mother to destroy her marriage and her home by constant put-downs honouring
her? So what could she do? She could goover there
next Sunday and say something like, "Mum, I want you to know I love you, I pray that God will really bless you, but I can't
put up with your verbal abuse any more. My responsibility right now is
to be a wife and a mother and this isn't doing you any good and it certainly
isn't doing me any good. If you are going to continue to do it I am going
to thave to stay away for my sake and for the
sake of my marriage and family".
C. Not
Seeking Revenge
1. "Alright,
I know I will never get even but I just want the safisfaction of
hating the wretch." Yes - but you lose. You just put yourself at
the same level as the abusers.
2. You
say, "I want revenge." But what does God say? "Do not
revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written:
'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord" (Romans 12:19). When you forgive, although you are letting
the person off your hook, you are not letting them off God's hook.
3. Where
is the justice? It is in the cross. Christ died once for all, for your
sins, my sins, their sins. That is where the justice is. If you remove
the cross, it makes no sense at all. God really will demand justice for
everything that has been done against you - either it will be paid for
by the blood of Christ if the person is a Christian, or they will have
to face the judgment of God if they are not. God will settle every account
some day.
4. When
you choose to forgive, you are taking a step of faith to trust God to be
the righteous judge who will make everything right in the end by demanding
full payment for everything done against you. Nothing will be swept under
the carpet.
D. Resolving
to Live With The Consequences Of Another's Sin
1. If
you are going to forgive as Christ ahs forgiven you, how did He forgive?
He took our sins upon Himself. In a sense we have to do the same. Forgiveness
is agreeing to live with the consequences of someone else's sin. You may
say, "Well, that's not fair." No it's not - but you will have
to do it anyway. Everybody is living with the consequences of somebody's
sin (we are all living with the consequences of Adam's sin.) The only
real choice we have is whether to do that in the bondage of bitterness
or the freedom of forgiveness.
IV.Conclusion
A. Forgiveness
is to set a captive free and then realise that you were the captive. This
is an issue between you and God. He commands you to forgive because He
loves you. He knows that bitterness will defile you and others, and cause
you to miss out on the abundant life that Jesus came to give you.
B. You
will have an opportunity to deal with this issue when you go through step
3 of "The Steps To Freedom in Christ".
You will ask the Holy Spirit to show you whom you need to forgive, and
then actually do it. There are some helpful additional guidelines in your
workbook (on pages 74-77).
C. Remember,
this is not primarily about right and wrong. It's about clearing rubbish
out of your life and walking away from it.
It's for your sake and has precious little to do with the person who
hurt you.
D. Let's
finish by asking the Holy Spirit to show us whether we have one or more
people to forgive and resolving before God to do so.
E. [Pray
a prayer along the lines of "Lord, will you please show us if there
is someone who we need to forgive in order to walk in the freedom you have
won for us." Then have a short time during which you invited people
to indicate to the Lord by standing up or raising a hand that they are
willing to forgive. Conclude with a short prayer of blessing.]
